-

Car 1896 - Entrants in the NSW Variety Club BASH,
and fundraiser
for Australia's less fortunate children
supported by
The NSW Variety Club

1985 Land Rover Bash
Bourke to Burketown

7.1 ATTITUDE
7.1.1 Points may be lost by any competitor for taking the event too seriously.
7.1.2 Competitors holding current Rally, Trial or Racing Driver's licences may lose points under Rule 7.1.1.

In the late autumn of the 20th Century, adventurers are fairly thin on the ground. Australia probably has as many as any other country, but one is well known because his exploits have attracted so much publicity.

Dick Smith has led a Boys' Own life. A radio nut in his early days, he started a business installing car radios. His business, promoted by advertisements which featured a line drawing of his Boys' Own face, grew and his interest progressed naturally to computers. As computers became big, so did Dick Smith Electronics and the giant Woolworths chain made the Electronic Dick, as the signs on his trucks say, a multi-million dollar offer he could not refuse.

Still in his thirties, Dick Smith found himself in an enviable position, with his life ahead of him and enough money to live in permanent retirement if he so desired. Instead he decided to devote his life to high adventure, highlights of which have included the first solo helicopter flight around the world and on another occasion, to the North Pole. He has also been very generous to charities and in particular has supported the Rev. Ted Noffs in his fight for drug education amongst the young.

Adventurers tend to be hero-worshippers and one man whom Dick held in very high regard was that arch larrikin, 'Gelignite' Jack Murray, famous for his exploits on outback car trials in the 1950's for blowing up dunnies and bush roads with sticks of the explosive substance after which he was named. As a tribute to Jack's memory, and because it seemed like a good idea at the time, Dick suggested to a handful of his nearest and dearest that they recreate the old Redex Trials, just for fun.

It was to be a 'different' sort of event. For example, the cars had to be at least 20 years old and crews were limited to no fewer than one nor more than 42 people per car. Cheats were to be severely dealt with. Any competitor caught cheating would "lose... double the number of points they could have gained-or 50 points, whichever is the greater". However there was an overriding rule that said "The crew who cheat most blatantly will be named The Ultimate Cheats at the end of the trial and will be awarded 100 points as well as having all deducted points reinstated!"

Participants-this was not to be a competition, so there would be no competitors-were warned of the consequence of committing that most heinous of crimes,-bribing! Or were they?

Rule 6.1 Bribery began:

6.1.1. As in all trials bribery will not be allowed and participants bribing officials will lose points.'

Fair enough too. However, consider the following:

6.1.2. All bribes must be in the form of cheques made payable to the Variety Club.'

Points were to be awarded (or deducted) for the age, condition and specification of vehicles entered. For example, at one end of the value scale, cars worth under $500 were awarded 150 bonus points while those over $2000 received none. More bonus points would be awarded to Valiants with cushions on rear parcel shelf 'and dangling things', six-volt Volkswagens, but only the small window model, and any car with a red and white striped petrol tank-although in fairness to Mr Smith's sanity, this award would only be made only if the driver was wearing gloves! Four-wheel drives would attract minus 200 points at the start, and would probably fall foul of Rule 7.1.1. The contraption judged least likely to make it to Burketown would attract 100 bonus points while anyone serious enough (see Rule 7.1.1.) to bring a support vehicle would find himself 200 points behind. In the spirit of the 1954 Redex Trial, a beard-growing contest was planned, and as a sop to the Government's policy of Affirmative Action, women were encouraged to compete.

It is probably true to say that there were three reasons for the Bash and it would be a brave person who tried to give them ranking, at least during the planning stages of that first event in 1985. They were to relive the fun and adventure of those '50s trials, to see the wonderful Outback and to raise money for the Variety Club.

The Variety Club is the world's largest children's charity with strong show business associations. It began in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania at the Sheridan Theatre at Christmas in 1927. A baby girl was left by her destitute parents with a plea for the thespians to look after her. More than enough money was raised to care for the baby and the charity spread. It was established in Australia in 1975. Word of this madcap event spread and applications to join this happy band of ratbags came from everywhere. What started out as a bit of a trip for a dozen or so friends and acquaintances, ended up at 52 vehicles plus supports, and a total of about 200 adventure seekers.

Entry to the Bash was never cheap, but more than enough starters were willing to pay the minimum fee of $1000, while the record for that first Bash was the Huxley Homes entry which raised $20,000.

Of course, the money was for a good cause, so specifying the amount of the fee was just to make sure everyone realised, right from the start, that this was all about raising money for Variety and that the aims were high.

Apart from the participants, there were to be three other sources of income for the Variety Club. The first was a sponsor and on the first Bash it was the Land Rover who leapt into the breech. Apart from their donation to Variety, they provided nine Land Rover One-Tens as support vehicles, printed door signs for every car, handed out bush hats, folders and first aid kits and generally got right into the spirit of things. They also made some of their well-qualified staff available -Alan Kemp, a veteran of trials and rallies including one crazy exploit when he accompanied 'Gelignite' Jack, Evan Green and Scott Polkinhorne on a figure eight crossing of Australia in an Austin 1800 and a Mini in 1965, Geoff Stubbs; JRA's resident four wheel drive expert and one of the best in the business; and Comillo Torrisi, one of those mechanics who can fix anything anywhere anytime.

Another way of making money was to tie up local suppliers. Participants were instructed to buy their petrol from the Caltex at Bathurst or lunch from the pub at Boulia or whatever because the owner of these establishments had agreed to donate part of the takings to the charity.

If a lot of people know Dick Smith, then Dick Smith knows a lot of people, and one thing which makes Bash No.1 stand out from subsequent ones was the number of celebrities and captains of industry. John Newcombe, Len Evans, John and Belinda Singleton, Simon Townsend, Ron and Valerie Taylor, Gordon Elliott, Peter Richie the big Mac from McDonalds, Kevin Weldon from Weldon's (publishing), Martin Cameron who was Leader of the Opposition in the South Austrailan Legislative Council and bagpiper extraordinaire, and others who made a most colourful crew. At least two of the participants came awfully close to being termed competitors - Barry Ferguson, one of our best rally drivers in the 1960s and '70s and John Lawes, the eventual winner of the rally sections, a leading driver in Grand Nationals. Both had to overcome severe difficulties imposed by Rule 7.1.2.

The Land Rover Bourke to Burketown Bash got underway from the forecourt of the Sydney Opera House on Saturday 1st June, 1985. Len Beadell, the man who amongst other things established the infamous Gunbarrel Highway, was enlisted to start the event which he did in a way befitting the style of the adventure that was about to commence. After the obligatory speeches and poses for the television cameras, he dropped the flag and 52 vehicles made a B-line for the gate. All except the Uncle Pete's Toys entry, Sweet 16, which disappeared into the back of a pantechnicon for some reason!

Probably the most spectacular departure was Car 82 crewed by Tony Richards (Captain Australia), Peter Mostram and Ian Bruce. It was a 1911 Ford Model T called Jezebel. They were seen driving through Sydney and over the Harbour Bridge at high speed with Captain Australia standing on the buckboard (it was certainly not a Model T the way Henry built them), be-goggled and with cape flowing. In fact they were seen this way at every start and every finish but never in between. What was seen from time to time was an anonymous Landcruiser with a covered trailer although many of their fellow participants put these sightings into the same category as the pink elephants that began appearing after the first night stop. The epic trip of the Model T set some records which are yet to be picked up by the Guiness Book of Records. They 'drove' from Port Augusta to Burketown and back to Alice Springs via Camooweal, a distance of 8500 kms in eight and a half days and used just 60 litres of fuel-that's an average speed of 100 km/in for a consumption of just 0.7 litres/100 km.

The least spectacular departure was Bulletin columnist, David McNicholl in a Rolls Royce who didn't leave at all, although he did arrive at the finish-in a helicopter.

Although the event began at the Opera House, it didn't start until Bourke, a situation which raised no eyebrows amongst those who were coming to terms with the Bash logic. The trip from the beginning to the start was uneventful. Len Evans, well known tippler, gourmet and bon vivant was seen eating sausage rolls at Bathurst, Simon Townsend's Fairlane required major surgery near Wallerawang, the Singleton family broke down at Wellington and the good folk of Narromine turned on a welcome, complete with steam engine (with whistle), thronging crowds and Lions Club steak sandwiches. Not to be outdone, residents of the thriving community of Byrock (Pop: 23) provided participants with a free beer for $10.

The people of Bourke were probably as pleased to see the Bashers as they were to see them leave the next day. With the Bash came the rain, the first for 14 months, and as 200 people crammed into the Royal Hotel for a barbecue, Dick Smith spent hours on the telephone checking road conditions and making alternative arrangements. He then announced to the assembled multitude, whose collective attitude was drifting from expectant anxiety to abject apathy ('Let's stay right here!'), that because of the bad weather, the new destination was Melbourne! He was severely outvoted.

Outback roads became impassable in high humidity let alone heavy rain, and the word was that the township of Wanaaring had been isolated.

A new route through Cunnamulla, Charleville, Quilpie, Windorah and Betoota would lead back to Birdsville as planned.

Leaving Bourke was expensive. First, as everyone knows, you need a passport to enter the Real Outback Then there was the Outback Motor Vehicle Driver's Licence, Health Certificate and Bridge Toll. Further up the road was the obligatory NSW State Departure Tax and of course the Permit to cross the Warrego River Bridge at Charleville.

Out of Cunnamulla the rally side of the Bash began with a slippery muddy track that the locals said hadn't been used for years. It wasn't hard to see why. Casualties on this section included the esteemed team of John Flower and Peter Wherrett whose Morris Minor had disappeared, nose first, into a 'corrugation, and the fan had met the radiator with some force. The track was what enthusiasts might call a 'great driver's road' but it was less than comfortable for passengers. The entrant of Car 52 engaged a 'professional' mechanic and driver so they could sit back and enjoy the experience. They had second thoughts on this 'driver's road' to Charleville and actually offered their driver $100 if he would slow down.

Charleville had had less that 24 hours warning of the arrival of 200 crazy city slickers, but they turned on a typical country welcome-which means they did nothing at all. The locals took it all in their stride apart from standing still on the footpath, pushing their hats back on their heads and staring in disbelief. Rooms were found in pubs, on verandahs and even the police got into the act by renting out the cells at $500 a night- proceeds to Variety of course. Milton 'Mad Max' Spencer introduced his party trick which is falling down stairs, and knocked down a framed print from the wall with his foot.

The instructions for the next moving were very simple-"assemble at northern end of large truck parking area... "- but almost everyone assembled at the southern end because (a) it was easier, (b) most couldn't tell the difference between north and south, (c) that's where most people had gone or (d) all three. The organisers, being sticklers for the rules, insisted on starting as directed which meant some mad scrambles and certain participants leaving the check point in reverse.

At the Thylungra turn-off, those willing or silly enough to try the 'horror stretch' were placed line abreast at the beginning of the track. When Dick Smith fired the gun 20-odd cars raced for the bridge barely two cars wide. It was pandemonium! Suffice to say, John Lawes won the section with some masterful driving (he couldn't afford to fall back in the field because he had no windscreen), Ewen Page in another EH was unlucky not to come second or even first because of a flat tyre (but still managed to change it and come fourth), Smilin' Simon Townsend and Wild Bill Evans completed most of the section in reverse to stop the front wheel, damaged earlier, from rubbing on the wheel arch and several others became lost.

Many remember that night's stop at Windorah as a highlight. The delightful little dot on the map looked like a wrecking yard with broken cars littering what passes for a main street. The Ladies Auxiliary of the Flying Doctor Service turned on a terrific meal at such short notice, and the local store/pub sold more XXXX than at any time in living memory. John Newcombe took on all comers on the tennis court and showed that he could beat everyone without having to put down the bottle of Bundy that seemed Araldited to his hand. Accommodation at Windorah was varied-it ranged from shearers sheds to the Community Hall, &om homesteads to under shop awnings. A suitable levy was struck, with all proceeds going to you-know-where.

After some bitumen, the ragged bunch turned off onto the dirt again and headed for a fuel stop at Betoota. If Betoota is a town, then Windorah is a metropolis. It consists of a pub, a bowser and a cricket pitch. There is an old bloke who sits on the verandah of the pub who won't drink inside because he had a blue with the publican. 18 years ago.

The run to Birdsville was full of fun- for most. The Vauxhall Cresta of Terry Adair rolled (but fortunately they were sponsored by Windscreens O'Brien) and the Knox/Page Holden EH blew a diff (but that was all right too because they were sponsored by Holton Spares). One sight that remains was Len Evans preparing a chicken lunch with just the right wine on the bonnet of the Landcruiser support vehicle, still dressed in his dinner suit, cardboard shirt and bow tie, in the middle of Sturt's Stony Desert.

Just past Chez Len's was a trick instruction. It said to avoid the wet section of the road and take a side track. Well, of course, the wet section of road was all of two centimetres deep while the side track held vehicles up to the axles. Ha! Ha! Big joke!

Everyone should go to Birdsville at least once and drink in the famous pub. The police 'co-operated' by booking drivers for such infringements as coming second, or arriving with a car which must have trailered because it was too clean. The bar of the pub was more crowded than the Menzies on Christmas Eve when Birdsville's police force, Sergeant Bob Goad, burst in with all the subtlety of an ASIO raid and 'arrested' Kevin Weldon and John Singleton. His act was so good that the patrons were not sure if it was a joke or not. The trio were hustled into the police Landcruiser, complete with steel mesh over the windows, and locked up. They were allowed out on 'bail' of $1000. They were not as resourceful as Barry Ferguson who was fined $20 for something or other and managed to beat the Sergeant down to $14!

After hot showers from the artesian bore and repairs to many cars, often using parts found at the local tip (the Knox/Page Goodyear Car Owners Club Holden EH had a badly broken windscreen which they replaced with one from an HQ-work that one out!), it was off to Boulia via Bedourie. This was a fast, uneventful for most, section of gravel road which led to bitumen just south of Boulia, home of the Min-min lights.

The road was all sealed right through to Mt Isa although the road was very narrow. At Dajarra, about 150 km south of the Isa, John Singleton, widely recognised as one of Australia's publicists, found a way to get onto the front page of a Sydney newspaper. He rolled his car, although in the interests of avoiding a deformation suit it must be pointed out that he was not driving at the time. It all started way back at Birdsville. Car No. 2 ceased to operate and was hooked up to its support vehicle which proceeded to tow the stricken car for the next 700 km. Singleton kindly offered to lighten the load by taking one of the crew in his car. This unnamed passenger was obviously very grateful and offered to relieve John at the wheel. At Dajarra in the late afternoon, the Mercedes turned into the setting sun which temporarily blinded its driver and the whole lot landed upside down in a ditch. Singleton hasn't offered anyone a lift since.

Mt Isa was the last chance to patch up the cars for the run into Burketown, and there was hardly a workshop in town that wasn't welding, replacing or repairing at least one Bash vehicle. At the very flash dinner that night an auction was held with the most sought after lots being first, second and third places at tomorrow's finish.

The last chance for food and fuel was at the Burke and Wills Roadhouse, after which the 'road' to Burketown was a long, muddy and very slippery affair which headed off through Gregory Downs. The road had been closed for a week and probably should have stayed that way.

The entry into Burketown was to be auspicious, but the recent rains had changed that a little. It still provided a fitting end to the Bash. You see, as everyone knows, you need a passport to cross the bridge into Burketown, but due to some bureaucratic bungling, the Passport Office is on the other side of the bridge. Therefore, intending visitors must cross the crocodile infested Albert River, purchase the necessary document and return to their vehicle. Crossing the river brought out the best of good old Aussie ingenuity. Those who thought they could swim faster than a croc, swam, those who thought they could row their K-Mart inflatables faster than a croc could swim, rowed; Simon Townsend used a flying fox and still others crossed in or on anything that would float.

The night at Escott Lodge just out of Burketown, the final knees-up was held in an atmosphere of relief and jubilation. The winners, regardless of the auction at Mt Isa, were Len Evans and company in a 1924 Lancia Lambda. They had travelled with a Landcruiser and trailer in case of mishap and the only trouble they had (apart from a blown head gasket in Bathurst which doesn't count because it would spoil a good story) was a wayward shackle bolt on the trailer! Equal second were Jane Barclay and her all-girl crew who appeared everywhere, including bogs, in the highest of high heels, and Alec Mathieson and his team in the 1951 International truck called Matilda. As an indication of the incredible closeness of the results, everybody else tied for third place!

The rally section was won by John Lawes, second was the EH Ute of John Armitage and third was Barry Ferguson, in his very experienced Volkswagen.

The real winners of course were the kids who are supported by the Variety Club. This madcap bunch had as much fun as it is possible to have legally, experienced the magnificence of Australia's Outback and raised more than $200,000 for the under-privileged children.

And this was just the beginning....

Taken from the Book...

"The Wynns History of famous Australian Car Trials".
published by Golden Press.

With thanks to Kevin Plummer, and Dick and Pip Smith.

| The Bash & 'Car 1896' Background | The 1995 Bash | The 1997 Bash |

Last Edit Date -  February 22, 1999